


Vaya con Satan

by Darkrealmist



Category: South Park
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aliens, Canon - Cartoon, Canon Gay Relationship, Demons, Exorcisms, Fantasy, Guns, Imp Tweek Tweak, M/M, Mild Language, Parody, Politics, Religion, Roman Catholicism, Romance, Satire, Slash, Spiders, Twitter, Violence, Wordcount: 100-1.000, Wordcount: 100-500, Wordcount: Under 10.000, Yaoi, Youth Pastor Craig Tucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 14:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21357757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkrealmist/pseuds/Darkrealmist
Summary: On a false tip from President Garrison, the Gelgameks kidnap Tweek Tweak, believing him to be the vessel for Satan’s foretold resurrection. South Park’s hip new youth pastor tracks the space lizards to the Vatican.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Kudos: 17





	Vaya con Satan

Vaya con Satan

Author’s Note: My first _South Park_ fic in fourteen years. Enjoy the story and R&R.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to or of _South Park_, nor do I subscribe to or intend to offend through any religious or political material expressed herein; I am merely mimicking _South Park_’s satirical style.

Pairing: Established (canon) Craig x Tweek.

Summary:

On a false tip from President Garrison, the Gelgameks kidnap Tweek Tweak, believing him to be the vessel for Satan’s foretold resurrection. South Park’s hip new youth pastor tracks the space lizards to the Vatican.

* * *

Youth ministry was not a passion of Craig Tucker’s. Religion for him had been something of a non-entity, paid lip service each Sunday with his parents and then waived until the following week. But PC Principal, insistent South Park Elementary’s students get a head start padding out their future resumes, arranged a series of co-op programs. Bizarrely, Craig’s apathetic tone actually got kids hyped about faith.

When aliens calling themselves Gelgameks flew into his quiet, little, redneck, podunk, white-trash mountain town and tractor beamed his coffee-high boyfriend away, Craig traded in his collar for a couple of AK-47s from Jimbo’s Guns and a plane ticket to Rome.

Father Maxi mentioned reputed goings-on at the Vatican. The prophecy of a disgraced financial pundit cautioning of Satan’s impending return to Earth prompted a worldwide manhunt for the Prince of Darkness’ believed instrument. To distract from the snowballing scandals of his administration, The President tweeted out a scapegoat in his frequent target/ex-student Tweek Tweak.

And thus, the Catholic Church had one exceptionally pissed defector on its hands. Craig broke in while the rabble was extirpating the “evil” in Tweek, and went all John Wick on their asses.

_Let’s fighting love!_

Although Craig incapacitated a lot of green mooks, the Pope led his congregation in song to beckon the Queen Spider, her divine presence unveiling Tweek’s true character.

Turns out Garrison wasn’t off the mark.

Demon horns, veiny wings, goat legs, and a tail budded across the twitchy tween’s body.

Fire arose, preventing the purification ceremony’s completion.

The devilkin sank his extruded nails into Craig deliciously, difficult to discriminate whose gayness, Tweek’s or Satan’s, was being manifested.

The bishops murmured over how unnatural a union between a youth pastor and an imp would be.

Craig irreverently gave them and their Great Queen Spider the finger.

Fucking Gelgameks!


End file.
